TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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