Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
