I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
