I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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