after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
