i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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