so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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