before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
