I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
FUCK WHALES
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
