I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
