you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
