i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
