apparently the secret to your success is patron
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
