guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Randomize
