It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
It's rum buckets o'clock
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
