Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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