this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
