I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
