And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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