we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
