A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
