You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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