well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
