I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
