Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
as a side note pls kill me
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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