Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
