i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
well most of my day revolves around power hour
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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