I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
