did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
