Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
