I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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