im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
