it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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