The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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