I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
