Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
