I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
