A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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