The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
