Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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