I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
