If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
