Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
