well I can't set my house on fire every night
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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