Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
