Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
