I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
