He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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