I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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