well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
