My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
