OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
there's paper in my vomit.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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