My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
