I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
