why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
