Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
