You don't have asthma, your pregnant
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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