I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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